Happy Easter to those of you who celebrate it!

Today I want to talk about the difference between confidence and competence and why athletes often fall into the trap of thinking they have a confidence issue but their real problem is a competence issue.

Low confidence is not always a bad thing. It should be acknowledged, accepted, and embraced.

Low confidence is usually trying to tell you valuable information.

Sometimes low confidence is good for protecting the person (as you will find out in the story I share below), other times low confidence is trying to tell the person something about their mindset that needs to change, or the way they are approaching practicing whatever it is they are not feeling confident with.

When people ask me about helping their kid with “confidence”, they generally refer to two different types of confidence:

1. Confidence as a person in general, everyday life. “I am a confident person!”
2. Confidence in a specific context. Soccer, Math, Social skills, Public Speaking, etc.

Today I want to talk about the latter, confidence in a specific context.

Confidence is defined as:

A belief or conviction that an outcome will be favorable. Self-trust.

• “I am confident I will do well in my math test today.”
• “I believe that I will perform really well in my game today.”
• “Even though I didn’t play my best today, I trust that I will improve and play better in future games.”

Competence is defined as:

The ability to do a specific skill or ability really well or efficiently.

• “She is incredibly competent at mathematics for her age.”
• “He is a very competent goal scorer. He scored three goals out of three opportunities.”
• “I know how to do quality practice sessions on my own and I practice consistently as demonstrated by the last 6 months.”

The difference between the two is one is a belief in self and the other is a matter of fact.

Like most people, I agree that confidence is great, but if it’s not backed with actual skills, knowledge, and abilities (competence) things can become disappointing and even dangerous…

I had a friend in Australia who was extremely confident as a motorcycle rider.

He truly believed in his ability to ride a motorcycle. He felt a conviction that he was a great motorcycle rider. His confidence was at least a 9/10.

But, this guy had only been riding a motorcycle for a few months.

He had been doing so well and his confidence had grown fast.

But the fact was that his actual experience and skill level were that of a person who had been riding for a few months. No amount of confidence could change this fact.

His confidence was as high as a professional speed racer, yet his competence was that of someone who had been riding for months. Very low in comparison.

As you can imagine, in this context, the confidence he had was very dangerous.

And one day he was out on a Sunday ride…

It was a warm sunny day, he was feeling good.

He turned onto the highway because he felt the “need for speed.”

He hit the gas to get up to highway speed (plus a little extra) and then he slowed back down to the speed limit.

He sat on his loud motorcycle cruising on the highway, feeling a sense of freedom while the wind whistled through his clothing.

A moment later, a very competent high-speed motorcycle rider flew past him.

As this motorcycle rider passed by, he looked at my friend with a confident smirk.

My friend saw this, and he immediately felt challenged by this guy’s confidence.

My friend was just as confident as this guy… but he did not know this guy’s competence level.

The guy who passed him was an actual professional motorcycle racer.

My friend thought to himself, “I’ll show this guy…”

Confidently, and truly believing in himself, he decided to prove what he could do. So he took off fast to catch up and race this guy.

And… it didn’t turn out well.

He ended up crashing and nearly died…

He landed himself in hospital with ribs broken, a punctured lung, and a cracked vertebrae, and his confidence level shrunk back down to the level of his competence.

His expectations of how well he could ride his motorcycle didn’t match the reality of his skills and abilities….and he was painfully disappointed.

I believe that confidence is most resourceful when it is built up through reference experiences related to facts about competence.

“I scored three goals in the past three games. I am starting to feel confident with my shooting. My practice is paying off!”

Each time an individual develops in competence it provides a real reference experience to support the belief of, “I am confident.”

This is why tracking progress is important for confidence development and to avoid the opposite issue of high competence with low confidence which leads to a set of other issues.

Sometimes student-athletes feel like they are struggling with a confidence issue but what they are really struggling with is a competence issue.

They think they “should” be more confident, but in reality, the real issue is that they just haven’t yet done the practice, repetitions, or had the experience needed to earn the competence level they want.

And that’s why it is a great thing. There is nothing “wrong” with them or their mindset at all, it’s just they have not yet developed their skills through proper practice.

In most contexts, too much confidence is not dangerous but it will result in frustration and disappointment because the overly confident person’s expectations are not being met.

Because whenever there is a negative gap between expectations and reality, there will be a negative emotion.

Confidence is most resourceful when it is built up through reference experience, that is sensory-based experiences that are proof of competence.

“I scored three goals in the past three games (fact). I am starting to feel confident with my shooting. My practice is paying off!”

Each time an individual develops in competence it provides a real reference experience to support the belief of, “I am confident.”

This is why tracking progress is important for confidence development and to avoid the opposite issue of high competence with low confidence, which leads to another set of issues.

Sometimes student-athletes feel like they are struggling with a confidence issue but what they are really struggling with is a competence issue.

They think they “should” be more confident, but in reality, the real issue is that they just haven’t yet done the practice, repetitions, or had the experience needed to earn the competence level they want.

And that’s why it is a great thing. There is nothing “wrong” with them or their mindset at all, it’s just they have not yet developed their skills through proper practice.

Athletes often become frustrated and disappointed in themselves if they lack confidence and think that their mindset is the real problem.

When athletes get real with themselves by looking at the facts with humility and self-esteem they can become grounded in the reality of what is. That’s when they see that they really haven’t been putting in the work it takes to get the competence level they are wanting.

When an athlete reflects on sensory-based facts of their competence (what actual results they have been getting) it is usually always in alignment with how much practice they actually do, how smart their practice sessions are (meaning how specific they are for their needed areas of improvement), and their mindset development.

I want our youth to understand that there is nothing wrong with having lower confidence as long as it matches their competence level. A little bit higher is probably ideal.

Low confidence is a normal part of the process to achieve success in any context.

It is a sign of a confident person to be able to handle low confidence with a sense of confidence and pride.

It shows they know they are not defined by their sport, they know they are much more than their sport (or whatever context they want to be confident in), and it says that they trust in their ability to develop competence (self-efficacy).

The fact that low confidence is normal is important for student-athletes to acknowledge and accept. Because one day all student-athletes are going to begin a college career and/or a working career.

And when they do, it will be a healthy response for them to know and accept the feelings of being unconfident.

They will know that the feeling is normal and it’s just for now, just until they develop more competence.

They will know it’s not about them as a person. It’s just about the fact that they are at the beginning of developing a new area of competence.

They will know they are not stuck there. Their confidence level will rise as their competence level rises from the effort they give.

And instead of beating themselves up, they will seek ways to practice and develop their skills.

So, let’s teach our student-athletes to embrace and permit the feeling of low confidence when it is appropriate. So they can shift their focus from, “I should be more confident” to, “How can I develop my competence through smart practice and experience?”

To you and your athletes highest and best,

Luke Bunder